it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
