'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
