Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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