she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
