maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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