I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
