The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
