just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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