I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
