u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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