dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
