Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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