Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
