she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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