he wants to bone in the snuggie
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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