I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
