I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
