watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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