member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
