Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
