I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
