my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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