my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
