He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I looked at my own cervix.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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