Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize