Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I came so hard my ears popped.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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