Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
