You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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