yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
