Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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