I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
