Can Purell be used as lube?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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