Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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