Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
