You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
