Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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