considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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