you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
