Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
