would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
