The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
