You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
