so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
