I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
