guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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