I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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