i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
