My nipple is on Facebook.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
