remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
