I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
