Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
