therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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