My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
