he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
