can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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