Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
