your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
