Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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