i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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