FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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