So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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