you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
