wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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