Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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