i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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